First, put a bouncy house in your entry way just to make it immediately clear what sort of establishment you're running:

Then, let your youngest eat a giant chocolate chip cookie for dinner:

And then stock the fridge with a Costco-sized container of fake, processed "cheese" that legally shouldn't be allowed to be called cheese at all:

And then realize it's all going to be OK because of the "Happy Pills" someone left in your medicine cabinet for your birthday:

Whoever you are, my anonymous pill-leaving friend, thanks. They're working out wonderfully.